Thursday, June 13, 2013

Jologs Showbiz Quotes

I read a news that Yahoo will deactivate accounts not used/ opened for at least a year this July 2013 so I tried to open my inactive accounts. I was able to retrieve a couple and failed to get into some. Browsing in the inbox of my old email address, I found an email message from a name I can't recognized with the subject: Jologs Showbiz Quotes.

Nap Gutierrez
It contained funny, witty, controversial and forgettable quotes from local artists and beauty pageant contest shown on TV.  I am publishing it as it was written in the body of the message. Enjoy reading, guys!

Disclaimer: If your age is around 20 years, please ask somebody in his or her 30's and above to guide you who some of the personalities here.

Thought that you guys would get a kick out of more ka-"jolog"ans.

1. NAP GUTIERREZ INTERVIEWING MANILYN REYNES IN MOVIE MAGAZINE
NAP: Saan ka movie outfit nakakontrata?

MANILYN: So far, hindi ko naman pinoproblema ang mga wardrobes ko kasi ex-deal naman eh.

2. JULLIE YAP DAZA GUESTING ON VILMA!

JULLIE: O Vi nag-guest na ko dito sa show. Ikaw, kailan ka naman mag-ge-guest sa show ko?
VILMA : Alam mo naman Tita Jullie, busy kami ni Ralph sa pag-a-arrange ng kasal namin. Siguro pagkatapos na lang ng marriage!

3. If I were to compare the stars of my era with the star discoveries of Dr. Rey dela Cruz,it would be like placing the Taj Majal of India side by side with a Volkswagen. * CELIA RODRIGUEZ

4. RITA GOMEZ AS A JUDGE IN A BB. PILIPINAS PAGEANT, ASKING A
CANDIDATE A QUESTION DURING THE Q AND A (CANDIDATE INCIDENTALLY IS MARIA ISABEL LOPEZ)
RITA: Here's your question, hija: Are you still a virgin?
MARIA ISABEL: If I say I still am, can I bring home the crown tonight?
RITA: Good answer!
MARIA ISABEL: What about you Ma'am, are you still a virgin?
RITA: Hija I have 5 children with 5 different fathers,what do you
call that, Immaculate Conception???

5. Ang ganda ng gospel number na yon, napaka-enlighting. Teka magpupunas lang ako, I'm sweatening.*VILMA SANTOS

6. Thank you, Lucky for the flowers...where did they came from?
*VILMA SANTOS

7. Being Miss Universe is like having a birthstone, you may lose it. Being a Filipina is like having a birthmark, it's forever.
*MARGIE MORAN DURING THE Q AND A PORTION OF THE 1973 MISS
UNIVERSE, ASKED WHAT'S THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN BEING MISS UNIVERSE AND BEING A FILIPINA

8. Ang pelikula mong PAYASHO Kuya GERMSH ay bulok, BASHURA, PANISH
kaya hindi SHURPRISE na hindi ka nominated SHA BESHT Actor. *CHARLIE ARCEO

9. Salamat po sa Board of Judges. Ito na ho yata ang pinakamaligaya
kong pasko at manigong bagong taon sa inyong lahat. * MELANIE MARQUEZ'S
ACCEPTANCE SPEECH FOR WINNING BEST ACTRESS IN A METRO FILMFEST

10. Successful naman ang libing ng nanay ko. *BABETTE VILLARUEL

11. "Sa tingin ko ang pinaka-asset ko sa mukha ko ay ugali! Mabait
kasi ako eh" *MR. POGI CONTESTANT'S ANSWER TO THE QUESTION: ANO SA MUKHA
MO ANG PINAKA-ASSET MO?

12. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Ma. Rosario Liboon, I
come from the beautiful city of Pangasinan...City! *SHE'S GOT THE LOOK
CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

13. Good afternoon, ladies and gentlemen! I am Carmelita Hernandez, I
come from Pasay City and I want to be a medicine! *ANOTHER SHE'S GOT THE
LOOK CONTESTANT DURING THE PARADE OF CONTESTANTS

14. BOY A: O Melanie, do you have any message to your mother-in-law in case nanonood siya ngayon?

MELANIE: You know what Kuya Boy, I have to speak in English cause she cannot understand Tagalog. "You know what Mrs. Dee...I've long been wanting to tell you this... Ang labo mo!"

15. EDU: So who's to blame?
VILMA: Excuse me, it's not my fault anymore. It's your fault
anymore!

16. CHARLIE ARCEO : EXKYUSH me, Ate LUDSH, I have a QUESHTION to
ISHNOOKY. ISHNOOKY GUSHTO ko lang SHANANG itanong na...
SNOOKY : (SUMINGIT BEFORE CHARLIE COMPLETES HIS QUESTION) Excuse
me Charlie, pero puwede bang isulat mo na lang para malinaw?

17. OVERHEARD FROM A GIRL NA GALIT SA KARARATING NA BOYFRIEND SA
STARBUCKS.
GIRL : My God you're so late. Where did you...Where have
you... Where do you...saan ka ba galing???

18. HOST : WHICH DO YOU PREFER: BLONDE OR DUMB?
GIRL : DUMB NA LANG AT LEAST HINDI AKO MAPAGKAKAMALANG BLONDE!

19. DESSA AFTER SINGING A SPOT NUMBER IN A REGINE VELASQUEZ CONCERT.
DESSA APPARENTLY SANG A VERY VOCALLY CHALLENGING SONG AND AS EXPECTED,
ENDED IT WITH A THROAT BREAKING NOTE. REGINE ENTERS.
DESSA : O kala mo ikaw lang ang mataas ang boses.Kaya mo yun?
REGINE : Eh ano ngayon, maganda ka ba?

20. SABRINA M. MAKES TARAY TO OSANG IN A TALK SHOW.
SABRINA M: At least hindi naman ako katulad ng iba diyan na retokado ang boobs.
OSANG : Hoy Sabrina, oo nga itong boobs ko retokado. Pero at least ang ngipin ko hindi pustiso tulad ng sa yo! Ooops huwag kang magagalit baka malaglag yan sa sahig!

21. "I am inviting all the televiewers to watch our movie 14 Going Steady on the twenty-twoth of November...."
(HAY NAKU, O SIYA....) -Nadia Montenegro -

22. "Sana po'y panoorin natin ang The Life Story Of Julie Vega...alam kong masaya si Julie ngayon dahil it's just around the corner.
(GAWIN DAW BANG CHRISTMAS SPIRIT SI JULIE?) -Nadia Montenegro-

23. "I am not an addict. I am the victims!"
(WALA TALAGA SIYANG PAGOD, NO?) -Melanie Marquez-

24. Host: "Ano ba ang pinaka-favorite mong movie lately, Melanie?"
Melanie:"Maganda yung kay Emma Thompson at Kate Winslet, yung "Simple and Simplicity".
(ANG ATE NINYO TALAGA?!!!)

25. "If you're not gonna change this mic, this is going to be my last show!"
-Jaya on stage, regarding her mic on the Kuh/Jaya Power of 2
cONcert, where there was a rumor that Kuh instructed the tech to give Jaya a
defective mic-

26. "Sikat na sikat ka talaga! Wala akong masabi sa yo. Wala akong masabi lalo na sa kabaduyan mo!"
-Ai Ai delas Alas during her concert, with guest April Boy Regino-

27. "Magandang Tanghali po, ako po si Luzviminda Cortez mula sa Camarines Sur,sumalangit na po ang inyong kaluluwa!"
-Miss Gay Philippines candidate during the parade of candidates-

28. RITA GOMEZ : Good evening, Elvira!
ELVIRA MANAHAN : It was! What's your business here?
RITA GOMEZ : It was plain business until the monkey came.
-Rita Gomez guesting on Two for the Road with Elvira Manahan and Nestor Torre-

29. Ladies and gentlemen let's all welcome Miss Sheryl Cruz!
-Martin Nievera presenting Ruffa Gutierrez with this intro on Martin After Dark-

30. Ladies and gentlemen, take it away with Miss Jean Saburat!
-Joe Quirino presenting Jean Saburit with this intro on Seeing Stars with JQ

Hope you were inspired by the quotes. Till then! :)

3 comments:

Agus said...

Paborito ko yung mga sagot ni Rita Gomez pero the best yung huli hahahaha

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halfwhiteboy said...

haha! ayos ding maghalungkat ng mga lumang email.

halfwhiteboy